Do You George?

There’s the bottle there George. Help yourself, help yourself. You see George, I asked you down here tonight because there are a few things I need to talk to you about. I hope you don’t mind, what with it being so late and all. I said to your mother that we should have called you down earlier but she said you wouldn’t mind. I hope that’s so George, I really do. The thing is, I suppose I could keep what I’m about to say to myself. I suppose I could. I could just sit here and let it all pass me by and pass over my head and try not to let it worry me. I could try to get on with my life and let things carry on as they are. But the problem with that, George, is that it does worry me. I can’t help it. I’m a worrier. It’s just the way I am. My father was the same, your grandfather. He was terrible for that. Couldn’t let anything go, wouldn’t leave anything alone. It killed him in the end. Not literally you understand. But, you know, it all added up, it all went into the, whatsit, the heart attack pot. Who knows, it might do the same for me, all this worrying. But I can’t worry about that now. We’ve got things to talk about now. I’ll deal with the other – excuse my language – shit later. Much later. In the meantime, as you know, it’s here and now. So we should deal with the here and now. Wouldn’t you say so George? Wouldn’t you agree? That’s right. That’s correct. I knew you’d understand. Your mother George, she said you’d be pissed at me about this, but I said you wouldn’t be. That’s because your mother, she doesn’t understand men George. She understands women, sure. She understands women real well. But when it comes to men George, she’s all at sea. Lost. Doesn’t know how to, you know, relate to them. No empathy you see. Not that I’m knocking your mother George. No way. Not at all. She’s a damn fine woman your mother George. A damn fine woman. The best in fact. The very best. So I don’t want you to think I was disrespecting your mother George. Not at all. I was just saying that when it comes to men she’s not so quick on the uptake, if you know what I mean. Anyway, that’s all by the by. Irrelevant. Because it’s just you and me now George, just you and me. And now it’s just you and me I’ve got to tell you that there are a few things I want to say. Big things. Don’t look so worried George. There’s no need to look worried. It’s just talk, that’s all. Just words. You sit there and listen and I’ll talk. There’s nothing scary about that is there George? You can do that. Words can’t hurt you George. Not words. Sticks and stones maybe. Bullets and rocks, sure. But not words George. All you have to do with words is listen. Just listen, that’s all. So here it comes George. Are you ready? Okay. You sure? Yes? Okay, here goes. The thing is, George, your mother and me, we’ve been thinking. About lots of things. But mainly about you. And the thing is George, we’ve decided that we don’t really like you. I know that sounds harsh George, and maybe a little crazy, but it’s true. You wouldn’t want us to lie to you George, would you? It’s just that we’ve been struggling with this for a while now George. Wondering what to say, how to deal with it. Wondering just what kind of people we are, that we could think like that. You know, really turning it round in our heads. I tell you George, we were really on the edge there for a while, really cutting ourselves up. But it’s okay now. Because we’ve come to the conclusion that it’s just one of those things. Nobody’s fault – just one of those things. I mean, we tried George, we really did. You know, all those trips to the park, the ice-creams, the toy cars, the picnics. You know, we did try. But in the end there was nothing there. Not really. We’d see the other parents, at the park, at the nursery, and we could see what was going on with them. There’s no mystery there. They like their kids George. They love them. They’re happy to be with them, to spend time with them. Most of all, they’re happy to be parents. It’s the best thing they’ve ever done, having kids. And that’s the problem for us George. You see, having you was the worst thing we’ve ever done. So we think it’s probably best if we just, you know, parted company. No hard feelings. I mean, you never know George, in time we could all be friends. Maybe. Aw George, really, there’s no point in crying. Come on George, you’re a big boy now. You’ll be going to school soon. In a year or two. Do you want all those other kids to know what a big crybaby you are George? I’m sure you don’t want that. Do you George?


About Paul Saxton

More information about Paul Saxton here: Follow me on Twitter: @paulsaxton
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